Here’s a collection of computer humor directly from Microsoft. Well, ONE of them is a parody. The links were accumulated from colleagues, Usenet and web searches, but mostly from “googlewhacking” the Knowledge Base. Some of the links go to the archived pages at webarchive.org because MS has removed the original. Enjoy!
–Jilly

Learn how to spell HTML They have the gall to mention superfluous code in an article about Frontpage! Thanks to Tristan for the submission!

Q887571: The Office 2003 spelling checker incorrectly identifies the word “Iqaluit” as misspelled When you type Iqaluit in a Microsoft Office 2003 program, the Office 2003 spelling checker incorrectly identifies this word as misspelled. Thanks to j-walk blog !

Q890546: USB devices stop working in Windows XP Media Center Edition These problems may occur with certain hardware configurations when you perform certain actions. These actions include the following:
You continuously or frequently change TV channels by using the remote. Thanks to Ed for the submission!

Acronym Overload “DSML Services for Windows (DSFW) allows Active Directory access via SOAP over HTTP based on the OASIS’ standard DSMLv2 specification.” Thanks to Mark for the submission!

Q894946: Windows Update Error Codes Wow, that page is pure L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poetry. [MS took it down already. That was fast. Sorry.] Thanks to Steve K. for the submission!

Manage Your Computer Tweakomatically “Um, not that we’re saying Microsoft Bob was a bomb or anything….” Thanks to mikec for the submission!

Data recovery “The problem here is that the file formats used by Office applications are extremely complex, and not too logical either.” Thanks to Jesse for the submission!

Q887410: Dancer does not start when music plays Thanks to Marc for the submission!

“Screwed” is a valid keyword in the KB Thanks to William for the submission!

Q147373: Remove All Does Not Remove Everything Thanks to Gerald for the submission! “This is by design.”

Q196465: Err Msg: Your Password Must Be at Least 0 Characters Long… Thanks to Gerald for the submission! Yep, one has to edit the registry to fix.

Q122115: MSB: Theme Song Lyrics Thanks to Gerald for the submission! MS made Little Richard sing “Take a left at your intestine.” [Microsoft removed the original - link goes to Web Archive]

Q195803: Err Msg: You Can Only Use Dates Between 1970 and 2037 Thanks to Tristan for the submission! (“This behavior can occur if a Cyrix microprocessor is installed in your computer.”) [Microsoft removed the original - link goes to Web Archive]

Q320554: Microsoft Sidewinder Game Controller Not Recognized in Windows XP Thanks to Tempest 2K for the submission! “NOTE: If you do not have a second USB port, plug and then unplug your controller between six and 12 times in the same port.” [Microsoft removed the original - link goes to Web Archive]

Q835826: The complete guide to uninstalling Windows Thanks to Bryan for the submission! Complete with dorky clipart.

Q152697: The Story of Koi and the Kola Nuts Thanks to Petter for the submission! Just the place for an African folk tale–the MSKB. [Microsoft removed the original - link goes to Web Archive]

Q196628: How to Print a Folder Listing in Windows Thanks to Alexey for the submission! You still can’t do it, even in Windows 2000.

Q135673: Need Clause on Double Field to Enter Scientific Notation Thanks to Gordon for the submission! (who adds “MS decided to prevent users from entering scientific notation values in double precision fields by disabling the ‘E’ key”)

Snow White & the Seven Dwarves DVD issue Thanks to Marcos for the submission! Microsoft + Disney = patch.

Q822906: An Extra Carriage Return for a CMS Posting Is Created from a Word Authoring Connector Thanks to Dave for the submission! Check out what’s between the <TITLE> tags. Ah, never mind, MS fixed it. (It had cussing in it.)

Q303969: How to Work with More Than 64,000 Children Per Parent Thanks to Jared for the submission! (The title of this Q makes my ovaries hurt.)

Q145675: Pregnancy: Who Can I Send Suggestions To? Thanks to Jared for the submission! Hello, Microsoft, I’m throwing up every morning….

Q189826: PowerPoint Centimeters Different from Actual Centimeters Thanks to Jamie for the submission! (Who adds that MS says this is intentional!)

Q837867: The engine may separate from the cars when the train crosses switches or climbs a steep hill in Train Simulator 1.0 Thanks to Wally for the submission! (Who adds “Microsoft addresses ‘coupling’.)

Q827478: Input language changes randomly after an unattended installation of Windows XP Thanks to Rich for the submission!

Q250633: Pandora’s Box: How to Install and How to Remove the Program This article describes how to install and how to remove Microsoft Pandora’s Box. Thanks to Rajbeer for the submission! (who adds I think it’s a bit late for that.

Q832321: Microsoft wireless mouse is unresponsive, inconsistent, or irregular Thanks to Rich for the submission!

Q282850: Cookies Lost After Upgrading to Windows XP Thanks to Doug who adds I’ve lost my cookies a few times during an upgrade, too!

Q254719: When Performing a PING Discovery, Visio Enterprise May PING an Unusually Large Number of IP Addresses and Take Longer Than Expected to Complete the Discovery Thanks to Ken for the submission! Note: MS has taken down the original.

Q67184:Square Root (sqrt) in Calculator’s Scientific Mode Thanks to Ken for the submission! “In the scientific mode of the Microsoft Windows Calculator application, the square root button (sqrt) disappears.”

Q72540: Calculator Does Not Reliably Subtract Two Numbers in Windows Thanks to Ken for the submission! “While Calculator is determining how to display the solution, it encounters a loss of precision and shows an incorrect answer.”

Q811443: The Italian Proofing Tools Make a Potentially Offensive Suggestion Thanks to Felix for the submission! The suggested words contain a potentially offensive word.

Q330358: Bluetooth Desktop Thanks to Melanie for the submission! Ye olde “Keyboard Error or No Keyboard Present Press F1 to continue, DEL to enter setup.” Note: MS has taken down the original. This now links to archive.org.

Q243490: Other Players Cannot See Monster on Your Screen “In addition, you cannot examine or attack this monster.” (Thanks to Chris for the submission!)

Q145978: Shiva Does Not Always Prompt to Hang Up Connection (Thanks to Matt for the submission–who adds “The deity you have reached is no longer in service, please hang up and try your call again.”)

Q178748: SATAN Causes High Memory Utilization in WUSER32 MS is now blaming the Lord of Darkness? (Thanks to Rishi and John for the submissions!)

Q262197: Allegiance: Nothing Happens When Player Attempts Suicide “The CTRL+SHIFT+D (3x) key combination is incorrectly labeled “Suicide” on the Basic Controls page of the Allegiance Survival Guide.” (Thanks to John L for the submission!) Note: MS recently removed this from the Knowledge Base. Sorry.

Q194729: Cannot Listen to Voice Messages from a Remote Location “This behavior can occur if you forget the remote access number for your mailbox.” (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q153996: Misleading Error Message About Ambiguous Table (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q122669: MSB Human: Overview “After you’ve explored all 12 body parts and the map is complete, go to one of the three body parts from which you can exit Arnold…. The Magic School Bus Explores the Human Body is also being marketed in conjunction with [...] McDonald’s Happy Meals.” (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q155999: Deadly Tide: An Overview of Playing the Game “Shoot everything that shoots at you or that has a yellow bracket around it.” (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q177398: Tell Me More Help File Cannot Be Found (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q96706: Mouse Doesn’t Work with MS-DOS Shell “Some earlier mouse drivers do not work well with MS-DOS Shell because they cannot perform all the functions required by MS-DOS Shell.” (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q111601: Misleading Default Pushbutton Painting (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q110633: “Word Is Removing Bullets and Numbers” May Be Unexpected (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q158450: How to Install SQL Server on Computers Using a Hyphen Yes, this requires A TOOL. (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q159740: Neverhood: Known Content Errors “The putt-putt shadow in world two above the teddy boom pod is wrong.” (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q149525: Poor Performance May Occur During FTP File Transfers “If a send request occurs that is less than one segment, Silly Window Syndrome (SWS) can occur.” (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q152189: Overview of Magic School Bus Explores the Ocean “NOTE: The Magic School Bus Explores the Ocean does not ship with a passport showing where the users has traveled.” (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q231275: MTA in an Uncontrollable State; MTA Service Can’t Be Stopped Film at eleven. (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q133357: Differences Between Temporary and Permanent Relationships Jewelry? (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

Q119022: Message Redelivered Repeatedly to Mac Clients (Thanks to Steve, who adds, “That’ll teach them!”)

Q323927: How to Resurrect a Dead Character Microsoft deals with the afterlife. (Thanks to Udi for the submission!)

Q186925: Restarting Computer While Holding Down SHIFT Key Hangs Windows “RESOLUTION: Method 1–Do not hold down the SHIFT key while you are restarting your computer.” (Thanks to Rob for the submission!)

Q161129: Kitchen: Known Content Errors “The microwave says ‘nachos‘, but it sounds like ‘nauseous‘.” Be sure to read the whole page. Some good ones in there.

Q126112: Sky Appears Beneath the Earth in the Modeling Module

Q228001: Network Adapter Does Not Work if Unplugged

Q209354: HOW TO: RTFM “This article demonstrates how to read the f*cking manual, as popularised by the RTFM directive.”

Q172668: Barney Fun on Imagination Island Error “ERROR: Barney Not Found.”

Q281923: “Hair Color of the “Person” Icon for a User Group Becomes Gray If the Group Contains More Than 500 Users” .

Q236609: Fonts and Background Colors Change Randomly in a Form That Has Embedded Objects

Q261186: Computer Randomly Plays Classical Music “During normal operation or in Safe mode, your computer may play “Fur Elise” or “It’s a Small, Small World” seemingly at random.”

Q172653: Sometimes Barney Starts Playing Peekaboo on His Own

Q253912: Out of Memory Error Messages with Large Amounts of RAM Installed “WORKAROUND: Reduce the amount of memory that is installed in your computer to 512 MB or less.”

Q162033: (interesting keywords) “KEYWORDS: kbtool kbusage kbSQLServ650bug sql65 trace goofy call”

Q216641: Computer Hangs After 49.7 Days

Q151910: File Copy Animation Appears as Shredded Paper “When you are copying files, the copy animation may appear as shredded paper.”

Q152698: Paul Bunyan: The Story of Paul Bunyan “Pancakes was our dinner for the three-hundred-and tenth night in a row.
We was concentrating on talkin’ and chewin’ with our mouths closed, when it started thunderin’ outside.
Then I seen him. He was carryin’ the biggest, mightiest, dang-darndest ax I ever seen.”

Q157668: Selecting Blendolini Causes Choco-Banana Shake Hang

Q276304: Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords “Note that the number of required characters changes from 17,145 to 18,770 with the installation of SP1.”

Q110317: Screen Corruption When Aircraft Crashes

Q273127: XADM: Pointer Retains Hourglass Shape Indefinitely

Q258415: Baseball 2001: Game Quits Unexpectedly When You Click “Play Ball”

Q194714: Noise Signals Interpreted As Keystroke During Boot Display

Q177605: Sound Distorted or Fuzzy when Ms. Frizzle Is Talking

Q175362: January 1 May Appear as February 1 in a Date

Q259754: Invalid Page Fault If a Player Shoots the Moon

Q19338: Lunar Map Links to Earth-Related Content

Q121139: Space: Planets Have No Color

Q119809: Only One Half of Mercury Has Bitmap Surface “The NASA data on Mercury is incomplete, covering only one hemisphere of the planet. One hemisphere was therefore intentionally left blank, reflecting this lack of data.”

Q131109: Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction “Note: Microsoft has taken down the original; this links to web.archive.org. (Thanks to Apez for lettting me know.)

Q168502: Windows NT Reboots Continuously During Installation

Q185322: Windows NT 4.0 Setup Restarts Continuously

Q174630: Windows Restarts Continuously with Blue Screen

Q173361: The MSN Home Page Reloads Continuously When You Connect

Q177952: Turtle, or Yellow or Red Dot Next to Player Name

Q159742: Goosebumps: Known Content Errors “In the lab at Vampire Village, when Luke tells Lizzy ‘a horror handed me dad’s wallet’, horror sounds like whore.” My favorite I think.

Q254452: Streets and Trips 2001: Help Topics Are Displayed in Unexpected Language

Q271496: One Unsuccessful Logon Attempt May Trigger the Default Windows NT Lockout Policy

Q228447: Baseball 2000: Shredded or Torn Graphics in Game

Q244139: Windows Feature Allows a Memory.dmp File to Be Generated with Keyboard

Q191069: Personalized Start Page Appears Upside Down and Backwards

Q132388: Dogs: Can’t Stop Dog Piano Movie After it Starts

Q264642: Scenery Shudders Violently When You Fly the Concorde

Q68677: Large Mountain Immediately Disappears

Q278550: Image Appears Flipped in Presentation from Earlier Version of PowerPoint How’d your big presentation go the other day, Bob?

Q68887: Crashing into Blue Mountain Causes “Splash” Message

Q273877: IIS Shuts Down and Restarts for No Apparent Reason

Q59092: Oakland Runway Disappears on Landing Approach”

Q130379: Repeating ALT+TAB, ALT+ENTER, or ALT+ESC Corrupts Display “RESOLUTION: Do not press ALT+TAB, ALT+ENTER, or ALT+ESC repeatedly….”

Q208720: MSPS: Female Voice Sometimes Plays When Male Voice Is Selected in Call Manager “CAUSE: This behavior is by design.”

Q269916: Office Assistant Makes Sudden Loud Noise “When you are working in an Office program with an Office Assistant displayed, a loud sound may be emitted from the computer for no apparent reason.”

Q103332: Mouse Races and Jumps Across Screen

Q191241: Money: Stuck in Endless Loop When Reading Statement from Broker I think we all feel like that these days.

Q241067: Links: Caddy Offers Inappropriate Club for the Shot “When you play Microsoft Links with other players, your caddy may offer your player an inappropriate club for a given shot.”

Q257377: Purple Veins Appear on Objects When You Play the Game at High Resolutions

Q95824: Constant or Random Beeping in Windows with Anti-Virus “KEYWORDS: 6.22 6.00 VM Beep-o-matic beep MSAV safe 6.20.

Q124908: TechNet Search Query for “windows nt” Hangs Windows MS has taken down the original.

Q136001: Tad’s Mouth Doesn’t Move

Q137591: Recycle Bin Icons Reversed After Removing Desktop Themes

Q142152: How to Create Functions to Calculate Light Years

Q323945: Guests Appear Stuck to Zoo Objects in Dinosaur Digs Game

Q252784: Ship Turns Continually in Circles

Q186017: Spelling Checker Constantly Rechecks Words in All Caps

Q175433: Error Starting ‘Microsoft Office 97 Starts Here’

Q284895: Text Is Typed by Office Assistant Sounds When Microphone Is Turned off or Unplugged “Even though your microphone is turned off or unplugged, sounds made by the Office Assistant cause text to be typed into your document.”

Q173108: Mbclean.exe Deletes Outlook Calendar, Contacts, and Tasks

Q274076: Microsoft Reader: Text Is Displayed Upside Down “When you use Microsoft Reader, the text may be displayed upside down.”

Q168945: Red And Orange Rats Appear Similar “It may be difficult to line up three or more rats to score points, because of their similarity in color.” Note: Microsoft has taken down the original. Sorry.

Q139807: Daylight Savings Time Change Repeats Continuously “During the first hour of Daylight Savings Time, Windows 95 seems to update your computer’s system clock, but instead repeats the following message every hour: Windows has updated your clock as a result of Daylight Savings Time. Please verify that your new clock settings are correct.” (Is this bugging you? I’m not touching you.)

Q137129: Automap: Gas Calculations are Incorrect “Microsoft Automap Road Atlas miscalculates the fuel consumption for a journey.”

Q88465: Golf: Rattle Sound Not Heard When Ball Enters Hole

Q183759: OFF98: Setup Appears to Halt and Beach Ball Pointer Appears “When you run Microsoft Office Installer, a mouse pointer that looks like a static beach ball appears the end of the installation process.”

Q167197: Using Imcext.dll May Incorrectly Format Message Headers “Depending on the mailer, the result error codes may be: invalid address in SMTP envelope, ‘<’ missing -or- 501 strangeness between : and <”

Q196367: OL2000: Days, Weeks, and Months Displayed in Foreign Language

Q158539: Strange or Jumpy Pointer Behavior on Lake Floor

Q150779: Arcade for Macintosh: Cannot Start Games, No Full-Screen Mode, Strange Mouse Behavior “When you play Missile Command in a window, missiles may fly out of the window and across the desktop.”

Q305566: Text That You Type Changes Unexpectedly

Q226971: Outlook Express Sends Message Repeatedly

Q145674: How Long Does it Take to Set Up Pregnancy and Child Care “The first time you install and start Microsoft Pregnancy and Child Care takes between 4 and 15 minutes.” Well, I guess the first time never lasts long, does it?

Q268262: Sound Repeats When You Press CTRL+ALT+DEL While You Are Playing Content in Windows Media Player 7 “To work around this problem, pause Windows Media Player 7 before you press CTRL+ALT+DEL, or ignore the repeating sound until you can click Cancel.”

Q191332: Video Area Is Green or Displays Random Pink and Green Flashes

Q110887: Bear Trap Won’t Release Paramecia in Level 49 “When Chip runs over a brown button near the middle right side of the maze in level 49, a bear trap should release a paramecia. However, the paramecia is not released, thereby allowing Chip to collect the computer chips without having to dodge the pink balls.”

Q223305: Character Stops Talking in Mid-Sentence and the Program Stops Responding (Hangs) “This behavior can occur if

Q134842: Leonardo da Vinci Screen Saver Displays Tank Image Briefly

Q274454: Visio2000: Crime Scenes Solution Add-on Available for Download “The Crime Scenes templates and stencils add-on is available for download…”

Q138990: No Ball on Table in 3D Pinball

Q136592: Left Mouse Button Click Acts Like Right Mouse Button Click

Q137456: Centimeter Measurements in WordPad Reported Incorrectly “a margin size reported in the Page Setup dialog box may be slightly larger or smaller (usually within one one-hundredth of a centimeter).” What, did someone call MS, “Hello, yes, I have a complaint about WORDPAD. My margins are off by one one-hundredths of a centimeter.”

Q253512: Cannot Turn Off “User Cannot Change the Password” Option After Windows 2000 Upgrade

Q280969: OL2002: The Click Sound Effect Plays Sporadically When You Navigate through Outlook folders

Q273988: Disk Manager Prompts You to Continue Every Five Minutes

Q295076: Message Reads “Floppy” instead of “CD” If SP1 Is Installed from Network Mapped Drive “The message should say ‘compact disc’ or ‘CD’ rather than ‘floppy disk’.

Q269033: Wallpaper Reverts to Last Bitmap After Daylight Saving Time Ends

Bicycle Casino: Dealer Misreads Player’s Hand, and Losing Hand Unexpectedly Wins “The known variations of this issue are: A full house is misread as two pairs. A flush in a player’s hand is not seen. Three of a kind loses to a pair.”

Q169441: Human Body Minimizes When Printing To HP Deskjet

Q318573: Erratic Behavior Occurs If You Create a “Desktop” Folder on the Desktop “If you create a folder that is named ‘Desktop‘ on the desktop, tree view in Windows Explorer may behave erratically.”

Q177600: OLEXP: Distorted Sounds Heard from Speaker When You Download E- Mail “When you download your e-mail using Outlook Express, you may hear distorted or unintelligible sounds coming from the speaker inside your computer.” (If you really want to hear email check out Spam Radio)

Q179243: Unintelligible Characters Appear Using “Who Am I?” Command Existentialism according to Microsoft.

Q160045: Kids Plus!: Talk It! Is Uncensored “Microsoft Plus! For Kids includes a text-to-speech component called Talk It!, which will speak any word that is typed in, phonetically or otherwise, in several different speaking voices, styles, etc. Talk It! does not censor any word or combinations of words.” They probably had to put that up because someone’s mom called.

Q248910: Opening and Closing a Form Hundreds of Times Noticeably Affects System Resources

Q279650: Microsoft Casino: Dealer Incorrectly States Two of a Kind “This behavior occurs when the dealer’s hand contains two pairs.”

Q254829: New 020 London Area Code Interpreted as Country Code for Egypt

Q243657: Text May Increase in Size When File Is Saved and Reopened “When you open a Microsoft PowerPoint presentation, the text in the presentation may be larger than it was when you saved it. It may become so large that it no longer fits on the slide, and may run off the bottom or side of the slide.”

Q152208: Julia Child Err Msg: Insufficient Memory to Function

Q309296: The System Clock Slows If You Run a Program That Uses Sound Extensively

Q228977: Midtown Madness: Game Quits Unexpectedly When You Honk the Horn

Q185703: Limitations of the CB Feature in Monster Truck Madness 2

Q243317: Program Unexpectedly Quits After You Click “Register Later” 50 Times

Q175180: Red Gleams Do Not Appear on Channel Bar or Channel Pane

Q237528: Encarta Encyclopedia 2000: Unable to Play Song of Red-Winged Blackbird Aww… I like birds. Here’s what one sounds like.

Q222264: Word E-mail Has Same Font Color as the Message Background Ha ha.

Q286130: Casino: Game Quits Unexpectedly When You Win Too Many Complimentary Items

Q226937: Martian Memorandum: List of the Key Objects and Their Location Use the following table to locate the key objects in Martian Memorandam.

Object: Big Dick Card (!)
Location: Casino (washroom) (!)

Q280711: Office Installation Program Starts When You Use Camera in USB Port

Q69785: Land Appears Blue at San Diego Airport

Q109861: Runway at Half Moon Bay Is Not Solid

Q108022: Autopilot Flies to the Wrong Station

Q32775: Airport Appears in Sky

Q240259: Microsoft Computer Dictionary Fourth Edition Comments and Corrections Change: “British Navel Connector” To: “British Naval Connector”

Q303502: Calculator Hot Key Unexpectedly Starts the Internet

Q241079: Hot Air Balloon Vanishes When the Club Hits the Ball Well, obviously the ball is popping the balloon.

Q197030: Less Conventional Memory in European Versions of Windows 98

Q248308: Fighter Ace II: Bombs Do Not Explode When You Drop Them

Q308415: Files Missing or Corrupted After You Click Telnet URL

Q307578: Metal Gear Solid: Game Quits Unexpectedly When Character Dies

Q244763: Access Violation Under High Cursor Stress “Under high stress conditions certain cursor operations may infrequently cause an access violation (AV).”

Q253059: You Must Press the TAB Key Numerous Times When You Use the Keyboard to Delete Your Messages MS de-humored it, thanks to KC at Microsoft

Q205794 MIDI Sound Played Quickly on Resume from Suspend or Sleep

Q256086: Limits to the Allow Friendly Fire Option

Q158592: Problems When Too Many Fonts Are Installed

Q249919: Conflicts with Offline Files Can Result in Numerous Dialog Boxes “You may potentially have hundreds of conflicts, forcing you to respond to hundreds of dialog boxes. The only resolution or workaround currently is to click OK in each dialog box.”

Q137462: Inserting Data Map Causes Zoom Button to Lock Down “When you insert a Microsoft Data Map object into a Publisher file, the zoom button sticks, causing the zoom ‘+’ and ‘-’ buttons to zoom either to 400% or to 10%.”

Q137292: Toolbar Buttons Displayed as Bubbles with Question Marks

Q226428: Canceling Create Shortcut Wizard Leaves Icon on Screen “To resolve this issue, ignore the temporary icon.”

Q170433: Cannot Stop Ignoring a Person in a Whisper Box

Q253861: Windows NT Desktop Turns Gray and Icons Disappear

Q141018: Rearranging Icons While Renaming File Renames Wrong File

Q156797: BUG: Windows NT Version 4.0 Bug List – WOW It really says that.

Q197294: DNS May Return Wrong IP Address When Forwarding Query to WIN

Q183054: Taking Ownership Remotely May Set Owner Incorrectly

Q129819: Car Bounces or Drifts on Map “When you use a Global Positioning System (GPS) receiver with the Automap products listed at the top of this article, the car seems to bounce, or drift on the map. The affect seems to be more noticeable when you are stationary.”

Q152810: Money Xfer: Funds Transferred in the Wrong Direction “For example, you may send an instruction to transfer money from savings to checking and the money is actually transferred from checking to savings.”

Q133751: Streets 4.0: Street Address Displayed on Wrong Side of Street “The address label places the address on the wrong side of the street when you use the Go To option to find a street address in Automap Streets.”

Q180600: Hidden P.S. Included Even When You Select “Do Not Include P.S.”

Q221809: Combat Flight Simulator: Computer Hangs When Your Airplane Crashes

Q198576: Polygons Are Visible When You Fly Through Fog

Q81098: Pop-Up Windows That Contain Advertisements to Adult Web Sites Intermittently Appear on Your Desktop heh.

Q810869: Recycle Bin Does Not Appear on the Desktop This issue may occur if any of the following conditions is true: A third-party program was used to hide the Recycle Bin.

Q810877: Windows Prompts You to Change Your Password Although No Password Was Configured

Q812603: Plus! for Windows XP Alarm Clock Sound Does Not Turn Off

Q326429: The Windows Explorer Progress Bar May Be Misleading When You Move or Copy Large Files

Q212519: Resizing Object Can Turn Text Upside-Down

Q263719: Windows CE 3.0 Device Turns on at Midnight Automatically

Q810903: It is Now Safe to Turn Off Your Computer Error Message When You Try to Shut Down Your Computer

Q111290: Pink System Highlight Causes FoxPro for Mac to Turn Pink “If a Macintosh is set to display 16 colors and the highlight is the color pink, FoxPro for Macintosh’s desktop, status bar, and other gray areas will turn pink also.”

Q186240: ActiMates Err Msg: Invalid Page Fault in Module Rtlib32.dll “When you attempt to start one of the programs listed above, you may receive the following error message: Barney caused an invalid page fault in module Rtlib32.dll.”

Q305681: Computer Turns Off During Text-Mode Setup If it Is Too Hot “SYMPTOMS: The Welcome screen may appear, and your computer may then turn off.”

Q157035: Date Returned in a Macro Is Four Years Too Early

Q111941: Can’t Link to Worksheet with Exclamation Point in Name

Q821281: You Cannot Start the Getting Started Animations “After you install Microsoft Windows Media Player 9.0 in Windows 2000 Professional, you cannot start the Getting Started animations.”

Q252135: Setup Fails to Upgrade If the M:\Drive Windows Are Open “This is by design.”

Q329972: STOP 0×00000003 Mismatched_Hal” Error Message Occurs After You Install Windows XP on a Windows Server 2003-Based Computer “I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Q262918: Windows Millennium Edition License.txt File Contents THE SOFTWARE PRODUCT MAY CONTAIN SUPPORT FOR PROGRAMS WRITTEN IN JAVA. JAVA TECHNOLOGY IS NOT FAULT TOLERANT AND IS NOT DESIGNED, MANUFACTURED, OR INTENDED FOR USE OR RESALE AS ON-LINE CONTROL EQUIPMENT IN HAZARDOUS ENVIRONMENTS REQUIRING FAIL-SAFE PERFORMANCE, SUCH AS IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL, DIRECT LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES, OR WEAPONS SYSTEMS, IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF JAVA TECHNOLOGY COULD LEAD DIRECTLY TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE. Sun Microsystems, Inc. has contractually obligated Microsoft to make this disclaimer.

Q239262: Inserted Object Reverts to Original Size Embarrassing.

Q264443: Wall Will Not Glue or Is Not Cleaned Up

Q189344: Computer Hangs When You Start Lose Your Marbles

Q143366: ErrMsg: Solar System Needs More Memory to Run we’re doomed.

Q258020: “Object Not Found” Error Message Accessing “The Known Universe”

Q236925: Windows NT Network Administration Training Comments and Corrections Page 447: Change BDC to PDC” Just a minor detail….

Q826127: Caps Lock, Num Lock, and Scroll Lock Indicators Are Reversed “The status of the Caps Lock, Num Lock, and Scroll Lock functions is not affected. Only the indicators change.”

Q242043: Words Are Replaced with “X”s When Typing For example, if you type an inappropriate four-letter word, each letter of the word is replaced with a capital X.

Q237735: NFL Fever 2000: Quits Unexpectedly When Play Clock Expires “To work around this issue, restart NFL Fever 2000. When you continue to play the game, make sure that you do not allow the play clock to expire when you select your first offensive play in the play picker.”

Q171676: Webs Created By Wizards Contain Links to Offensive Sites

Q178115: Conversion of Miles to Feet Is Incorrect “For example, when you type “1″ in the Miles box, “5,820″ is displayed in the Feet box. There are actually 5,280 feet in a mile.”

Q237516: Encarta Encyclopedia 2000: Printed Maps Appear Completely Black

Q307085: The Smart Card Is in Backwards” Error Message Although No Smart Card is Inserted

Q830680: Forgotten Password Wizard Prompts You to Insert a Disk into Drive C When you run the Forgotten Password Wizard in Microsoft Windows XP to create a password reset disk on a computer that does not have a floppy disk drive, you are prompted to insert a blank, formatted disk into drive C.

Q134591: Games Using the PC Speaker May Run Slowly or Hang

Q171549: FIX: Cashed [sic] Class Factorys [sic] Get Released by Illegal Thread heh.

Q136022: Israel Anthem Suddenly Stops

Q838962: Guests are not happy in Zoo Tycoon “Your guests are hungry, unhappy, and want to use the restrooms.”

Q162201: ErrMsg: Magic School Bus Needs More Memory

Q150476: MSB Ocean: Hangs at the Beach After Playing About 30 Times

Q156787: Typographic Error in Tide Pool “The word ‘oganisms’ should read ‘organisms.’”

Q164252: FIX: Receiving Error When Selecting 254th Item in List Box

Q167009: Description of DHCP Server Service Has a Misspelled Word “The Description field reads ‘DHCP (Dynamic Hose Configuration Protocol)’”

Q193835: Infinite Loop Creates Thousands of Temp Files

Q286822: Front-End Servers Establish Large Number of Connections to Themselves

Q132577: Setup Program for Grammer [sic] Game Warns User of Unknown Shell “The warning is harmless, and you can ignored [sic] it.”

Q99864: Buttons Seem Taller on 12-Inch Screen ?

Q101914: Picture With Irregular Wrap, Border Becomes Enormous Blob Paging Steve McQueen….

Q227925: Access Violation When Sending One Million Faxes on VFSP Device

Q304943: Computer May Reboot Continuously with More Than 1.5 GB of RAM This behavior is by design.

Q183313: Flower Calendar Always Labeled as September

Q125803: Misspelled Words in Main Dictionary

Q140478: “The Road Ahead” Err Msg: Media Control Interface Error… When you try to install the CD-ROM included with Bill Gates’ book “The Road Ahead,” you may receive the following error message: Media Control Interface Error ‘avintro’ MMSYSTEM 272 problem with the device driver.

Q301262: Confusing Message About Pressing ESC to Restart Your Computer During Windows XP Setup This behavior is by design.

Q827470: Both the Arabic and Hebrew End User License Agreements print backwards (from left to right) in Office 2003

Q167705: Talking Loudly into Microphone May Cause Disconnect

Q889365: Documentation and game-play issues with Zoo Tycoon 2 Zookeepers receive the highest salary of all employees and animal educators receive the same salary as maintenance workers.

Q216975: CG: Clip Gallery Catalog Indexes Images Incorrectly Weird that I didn’t see any negative press about this.

Q833407: A critical update is available to remove unacceptable symbols from the Bookshelf Symbol 7 font ( swastikas)

Q314458: How to Remove Linux and Install Windows XP This article explains how to remove the Linux operating system from your computer and install Windows XP.

Q101766: Highest Score in Windows Solitaire

Q172657: Sometimes Barney Appears on the Screen and Sometimes He Doesn’t

Q132668: Icons Randomly Change to Different Icons

Q238882: How To Know When Your Screen Saver Starts

Q267407: Windows Explorer May Stop Responding When a Folder in the Recycle Bin Is Opened This behavior can occur if you have four thousand files or more in the Recycle Bin. HINT: SHIFT-DEL…oops, nevermind.

Q811544: Holidays Available Only Through 2005 Calendar Year This behavior is by design.

Q148810: No Orca or Green Sea Turtle Picture

Q894032: Animals in Zoo Tycoon may die of starvation even though the animals have enough food That sounds like a *horrible* game.

Q257875: STM file association changes when you install a third-party MP3 player Boss: The Exchange server crashed because you were playing MP3 files on it? IT worker: Yes.

Q313176: Programs May Start, Quit, Lose, and Gain Focus Randomly

Q555016: Erased file(s) may be restored by unauthorized user “This is by design.”

Q212075: “That That” and “Had Had” Not Flagged as Repeated Words Darn. Darn.